Skeeter
2024-02-02 03:58:31 UTC
surreygaygazette.com
John Robinson
Surrey Gay Gazette
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Van der Walle told bemused doctors
in the Intensive Care Unit of Surrey Memorial Hospital. Van der Walle,
and his homosexual partner Greg "Peaches" Carr, had been admitted for
emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil,
in," he explained. "As usual, Greg shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that
he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out
again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light
might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital pokesman described what
happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal
gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Carr's hair and
severely burning his anus. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and
whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the
intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Van der Walle suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the
impact.
John Robinson
Surrey Gay Gazette
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Van der Walle told bemused doctors
in the Intensive Care Unit of Surrey Memorial Hospital. Van der Walle,
and his homosexual partner Greg "Peaches" Carr, had been admitted for
emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil,
in," he explained. "As usual, Greg shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that
he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out
again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light
might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital pokesman described what
happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal
gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Carr's hair and
severely burning his anus. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and
whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the
intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Van der Walle suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the
impact.
